Well, rehab didn't start the way it was supposed to. I didn't make it to rehab on Monday morning. My nurse decided I was too nauseated and miserable to make it. So we delayed and tried to fix those problems... tried is the key word and started in the afternoon. I met my afternoon PT's...yes I ended up with 3 different PTs every day :) It was amazing to have 3 brains working on me! They worked wonders for me. I worked hard and felt so good that I was finally learning how to move again...and HUGE step...they let me get myself to and from the rehab gym...they let me be independent! I was in rehab for a week and a half....and in that time, I met some amazing people, and felt like I was part of the team.
a few things stood out to me during this time...
1) My positive attitude shocked people...family, friends, hospital staff, etc. Here's my perception...it happened. injury happened. Surgery happened. I couldn't change any of that, I could only change how I reacted to it. I could smile and work with what I had or I could complain and be grouchy and grumpy all the time. I smiled. (most of the time...the 4 people that got the negativity... thank you.) I really didn't have a concept of the length of time this was going to be overall and I was going to make the best of what I could do. Every day there was something new. Something to be excited about. Some measurable change from the day before. My attitude was spreading. Patients started talking to each other while waiting for rehab. Patients started smiling more. Patients started trying more.
2) I learned which people mattered. Friends stayed in touch. They visited. They texted. They dealt with me even with the difficulties I was facing. They were there. They sent cards...mail was an amazing pick me up!
3) I learned how to ask friends for things. (I am incredibly independent. I am proud of my independence. I lost all of it.) Some friends just didn't know what to do. So I asked for things. I asked for coffee.... I asked for chapstick. I asked for food. I asked for a hairbrush. I asked for clothes.... I asked for company. I'm not comfortable in 'inconviencing' others and that's how I felt every time I asked for something, I was inconveniencing someone else. In reality, I learned that people just didn't know what to do and by asking for things it allowed them to do something. I still don't have the easiest time asking for things, asking for help, but I continue to work on it and continue to see the importance in being able to ask for help.
4) Friends that can text about poop for over 2 hours trying to problem solve your lacking ability to poop are friends that will last through anything and will text about anything. (Brown bomb anyone? Never again I hope!)
5) Being in rehab was a good thing. Making friends of every person that worked with you and worked along side of you made a difference. They start to see you as a person and not just a patient. They figure out what makes you work and what will make you stronger. Being in rehab gave me independence back.
6) Little things matter. a card in the mail. picking up a wash cloth with your toes. being able to lift your toes. walking independently for the first time. having a letter written recognizing the care you were given. a friend just coming to sit a while. a hot shower. rolling over in bed all by yourself.
Rehab was only a week and half long. The days were busy and full. The afternoons and evening were full of visitors. The nights were long...waking every 2 hours, taking meds to sleep for 2 hours, getting stuck and needing help moving in bed. The what-if's started rolling in the long nights. Early morning visits that answered every random question I had. The nurses make a difference...a big difference.
The fears really hit while in rehab. There was no step by step checklist to recovery. Instead nerve injuries are unknown recovery. I had a bunch of questions....(when can I drink again? will I ever wear heels again? will I be able to do Crossfit again? how long til I can drive again? will I be able to golf again?) I'm sure my questions seemed irrelevant but they were important to me. The answers were all positive and I could look forward to doing them again...no clue that it would be as long as it will til some of them again.
Reality hit when I read my FMLA paperwork the rehab doctor filled out. Incomplete paraplegia. Seeing it in black and white on the paper to turn into school rocked my world. I was what? I had a label. I was scared it wouldn't get better. What would happen if things didn't change?
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