Almost 5 months ago, I went through a life changing experience that I would never wish on any of my friends and family. I went from having what I considered a pulled muscle in my back to having emergency back surgery after losing feeling and function from the waist down. It's taken me almost 5 months to be able to sit down and write about it and the lessons I've learned through this long and amazing experience. The pain, the fear, the lack of control, and the unknown are just a few of the things that I've worked through and dealt with. This would not have been possible without the people, the prayers, and just the plain stubbornness to make it all better. Through this, I'm learning that what I always considered normal may never be normal again. That's part of the unknown. Nerves and healing don't have an exact pattern, sequence or expectation... and we just have to wait and see what will happen while doing everything possible to get back to 'normal' life. Fortunately...things continue to go well. I was blessed beyond belief with the way things occurred, the people put into my life, and the recovery I've had so far.
The days leading up to the big event were not much fun. I was hurting but really had no clue I was hurting as bad as I was. Or that I was as hurt as I was. I thought I had a pulled muscle...that bugged me for a month because I wouldn't take the time off. Then came that fateful tuesday morning....pulled 3 times on a rower at the gym. Locked up my whole right leg. There was no way I'd be able to work out, so I headed home. The pain was awful, tears flowing, curses flying, and I couldn't find relief anywhere. Tried foam rolling it, tried icing it, tried heat, everything I tried...nothing worked. I've never been in such pain...and what do I do? Of course, I suck it up and head to work. (granted I continually texted a friend who happened to be a doctor for suggestions....none of those worked either...) Couldn't find relief anywhere in any shape or form so I head to work...I'm a teacher. Can you picture teaching a class full of students when you're in enough pain that you can't function very well? That's what I did....granted I had to stop twice on my drive to school....I couldn't even sit for 35 minutes in the car. I knew at that point that I was in trouble...little did I know how much trouble. Got to school and said I'm leaving at lunch. Find someone to teach this afternoon or get it covered. I was not going to last the day. I left plans for the afternoon and the next day...just in case...(little did I know that would be the last time I was teaching in my classroom for 12 weeks). I headed home...not sure what I expected because I wasn't getting relief from the pain at all, but being home had to be better than trying to teach...right?
(Now for a long side note that will make this next section make more sense...I avoid going to the doctor.... nothing wrong with doctors but I don't go to them. If I'd been really sick, I'd hit urgent care or the walkin clinic....but that had to be SICK SICK for me to even go there. Like I had been twice in 10 years... see what's coming?)
So...on the way home, I tried calling the doctor I had last seen....12ish years ago. And yes, by now I've been in ridiculous amounts of pain for going on 7 hours....I was a little impatient. Didn't get the immediate answers I wanted, so I text my friend who's a doctor...what are my options...here's what I've done all day etc. Needless to say, I ended up in his office and am now a patient. (I don't like doctor's offices, I don't like being in pain, I really don't like the two in combo!) We came up with a plan. We start to follow that plan. That night, my right foot falls asleep...I don't think twice. Meds should have made me sleepy and didn't. Again, the clues looking back are red flags....at the time didn't think much of them. Woke up in the middle of the night with the worst charlie horse in my hamstring. I actually think I woke up screaming. Took a muscle relaxer (no other idea what to do) and went back to sleep. and WOKE up again 3 hours later with a worse charlie horse than before. Now, even I know the red flags going off. Get a new prescription for a new med to try. And my right foot is still asleep. and yes I didn't think twice about driving, I just did it. Get home again, Try to find relief somewhere, somehow, no luck. Now a new symptom appears....right calf firing like crazy...shaking blankets it's firing so bad. Didn't hurt but one weird sensation that's for sure!
Next step, got into PT for an appointment....most of my right leg is asleep now. And I couldn't bend over to tie my shoe...on my right foot. While filling out paperwork, the rest of my right leg falls asleep as does my butt! Now, slightly entertaining I'm sure to watch me walk with a numb leg. (Again, I didn't think how am I supposed to do this, I just did it. Luckily I didn't drive and had my mother driving me) While in PT, she tried calling the doc 3 times because symptoms had changed so rapidly...at this point I knew something was really wrong but really had no clue what I was in for. Head home after PT, to my parents house, I knew something wasn't right and I wasn't sure I wanted to be home alone. While trying to watch TV/nap, my left leg started to fall asleep. I knew we were in trouble. Got a message from the doc saying they'd call tomorrow, we needed to do some testing and get pictures. I expected this. What I didn't expect was when I tried to use the bathroom in the evening....Couldn't feel anything. No feeling. No function. That's when I knew this was major major. Text the doctor. respond to doc. Next thing, my phone rings....it's the doctor saying head to ER you're having surgery. I'll call it in. or something to the extent. Panic sets in. Fear sets in. Up until now, I knew things weren't right but I wasn't afraid. I knew we'd figure it out and fix it. Then that phone call. That's one that will be stuck in my memory forever.
Mom throws somethings in a bag because I told them we needed to head to the hosiptall, I was going to have surgery. I was spookily calm and collected during this time. I had been reassured by my doctor (notice I now call the doc, my doctor?) that we were acting quickly since my symptoms were changing quickly. Oh yeah, both legs are pretty much numb...and i walk out to the car without help. How you ask? No clue. I just did it. On the way to the hosiptal, my mother asks... Are you sure this doctor knows what he's saying? Do you trust him this much? my answer was a calm yes. At this point, I knew I was having surgery. I knew it was my only option. Get dropped at the door of the ER. I WALK in....yup still walking with no feeling, not sure how I knew my legs would work...but they did. Great care in the ER...quickly got me settled into a room and everyone was jumping. That also gave me a clue that things were way serious! Quickly got me off to an MRI or two....and yeah, picture lying flat on your back when that hurts and not being able to move? for two MRIs? not much fun.....I actually made them stop between the MRI's and move pillows because I was so uncomfortable. Amazing that I had the nerve to make them move me midway through but that as you will see stuck with me through this whole process :)
Back to the ER room. In walks the neurosurgeon who says a few things.... they are prepping or. you're 32 years old, if you want any hope of recovery you're having suregery tonight. My response, OK. again calm, collected, and relaxed. My mother on the other hand, not so much! A moment of clarity in the midst of chaos....they told I had to strip everything off (granted just about everything was gone already, just panties left.) so as I am laying on the bed I wiggle them off and they get stuck on my right foot. I look at my mother and say you have to grab them from there because I can't get to them or get them off my foot. I think that's when the seriousness really set in for her. I don't think she had realized how rough off I was. I didn't help the situation because I thought it was rather funny that I couldn't get to my foot :) (and no, I had not taken any medications since like lunchtime) Then comes the quick transition to getting ready to head to the OR....more needles, people, etc. We get up to the OR...hug my mother who isn't holding it together too well...and they start attaching wires and sensors and who knows what else to me all over my body. They asked me what music I wanted to listen to...I said it didn't matter, whatever the surgeon wanted was good with me. And then I was out.
So...there's the presurgery story. as crazy and amazing as it was. no time for research or homework. no time for planning. texting people who needed to know (um...I am a teacher and obviously wouldn't be in the classroom the next few days...) it was choas. but I was calm. I knew I was in good hands.
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