Well, I finally found it....Yup, my first outright frustration during a workout since surgery. I've had some minor frustrations when my body hasn't done what I've wanted it to or I can't move in a certain way due to my new limitations on movement. Mentally I knew what my limiting factor would be for awhile but it's the first that I haven't been able to work through that and everything else felt good...frustration. I couldn't reach the goal I wanted to, I even set it low...or so I thought.
It's a Hero WOD....for those not used to the lingo, it's a tougher workout in honor of a hero. I modified it to a point I could be successful at it. OR so I thought. 4 rounds vs 6. rowing instead of running with weight (running isn't quite possible yet...). Step ups instead of box jumps. Onto weights instead of onto a box (my shins said thank you). light weight for push press. Kettle bell sumo instead of with sumo dead lift (not yet ready for a deadlift ;) ) All in all, looking at the mods we did, 4 rounds should have been just fine. the row would be the most I've rowed in a workout to date but not an extraordinary amount.
Round 1 felt great. really good. asked to make the step ups higher...it was too easy! (granted I can't (won't) pull the weights yet...too awkward for me to comfortable doing yet) Round 2 felt good. I could feel muscles working, nothing was hurting. Felt good, tiring but good. Continued to push but not over do it. Round 3....my damn ankle started to twinge. Got through the row and thought hmmmm. Push Press was fine. Step ups....by the last one I was thinking...this isn't good. got the sumos done and decided I'd better listen to my body. There was no way I'd complete another round and still be able to use my ankle. And since it's my right ankle, it's my driving ankle.... might be rather important to not kill it in a workout. So I stopped. 3 rounds done.
I should have felt good that I got through as much as I did. I should have felt good that I could do what I did in the time I did. Instead all I felt was frustration. Everything felt good, My back felt smooth and secure. My legs were working well and full depth in the squat. Step ups were too easy at the lower level but felt great at the higher level. Yes I was starting to get tired at the end but that's a good thing.
Everything except that damn ankle. That ankle that isn't back yet. Nerves. Nerves suck! The ankle that is numb often. The ankle that is numb more now than a month ago.... BUT the question is it really more numb than before or am I just feeling it now? IT tingles....it didn't used to. IT's frustrating to me on a regular basis because it just feels weird.
This left me frustrated for the entire day Saturday. Ever plan to do something and have it not work out the way you planned? That was my day Saturday. Only it wasn't just plans not working out. This frustration drove me to begin (nah, continue) to wonder what life would be like if my ankle doesn't come back anymore than it is. What if this is the best point it will be at? What if the rest of my life is spent with a bit of a gimp because of it? It would mean no running....because running is incredible awkward right now....(Not that I love to run or anything but when you can't do something you just want to do it!) Ever try going down stairs heel first on one foot? Not the most comfortable yet that is how I go down stairs currently. Still can't support weight on the right ball of my foot (like raising up on my toes...) I know I know, it's not even been 6 months yet. I know I know, look at how far you have come. I know I know, I'm incredibly fortunate with what I have been able to get back to already. It doesn't stop the wondering, the worrying, the questioning.
The one glimpse of positivity....I listened to my body. I stopped instead of pushing through and paying for it later. I listened to the protesting the ankle was doing and said OK. I guess I'm learning something.
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