being home...at my parents.

Yay!  Happy day!  I improved enough to leave rehab and head home.  I couldn't drive.  I couldn't walk without a walker more than a few steps.  I couldn't live on my own.  I had to move home to my parents....  wow.  Major transition time for everyone.  I was used to having my own space.  Being responsible for me.  Now...They wouldn't leave me home alone.  Someone was always around.  For someone who was used to living by myself, having people around when I wanted to and having time and space to myself as I wanted...this was awful!  I had to start living on someone else's schedule.

Thinking about how long I'd be at my parents house....I'm not driving.  I have an outside staircase.  I don't have a garage.  There's going to be snow.  and ice.  This isn't going to be pretty.  I also know that my place is a trainwreck...(those that know what my car normally looks like or my classroom?  think apartment sized....)  Too much to even think about...when is first PT apt...let's just focus on that!

Outpatient PT... a whole new ball game.  Again as time goes on, I've been highly impressed with my PT's....yes I had more than one again.  Since I lost all feeling and function from the waist down...I ended up with both a neuro PT and a Pelvic Floor PT.  Let me tell you, I've learned a lot about the whole process and my body through this.  Still rather crazy that my body wouldn't work in a normal way....or at least not my thought of normal.  But we still saw lots of progress, lots of rapid progress.  

Oh yeah... also had my first visit to the neurosurgeon's office...the receptionist was a little confused.  'I have a note saying you need to fill out paperwork...but you've already had surgery.'  I started laughing and responded with yep, I tend to do things backwards...surgery first, office visit second.  Met with the nurse who was surprised by the condition I was in...in a good way.  I guess I still didn't look like I just had massive back surgery a few weeks before that included 6 screws and 2 pins and some other stuff I'm sure.  What do people expect?  I was walking with a walker, I was wearing a brace that wouldn't let me bend or twist and my hips swayed like a working girl in high heels.  Talk about not my normal!  Neurosurgeon remembered me...did he remember the overnite emergency surgery? or the fact that I had the nerve to yell at him?  I'll never know!  and he came to answer questions, show me my xrays and see how my feet were doing.  (the xrays are pretty cool and if you want to see them, I'll share :) )  Two things he did for me at this visit...1) told me to get off the pain pills and 2) told my mother that I really didn't need the walker.  So what do I do?  I go cold turkey off the pain meds...(and then checked with my doc for his thoughts) and I stopped using the walker all together (much to my PT's chagrin...)  

IMPORTANT FACT....neurosurgeon said I could drive :)  mom's reaction...what?!?  granted I had to drive with a parent to make sure everything went ok and practice in a big parking lot etc...but he said I could drive!  (see my independent streak?)  I still waited til after the new year to drive myself...several weeks down the road but it laid the ground work :)  

(side note...he also allowed traveled...again mother wasn't thrilled...but I was :)  Granted it was a different way of traveling...stoppping every hour or so, not able to sleep, not able to twist or turn or get comfortable but I got to travel...I got to celebrate family Christmas at the farm and ring in the New Year at a wedding.  I got to be halfway normal and involved in things outside my healing process.)

My PT also decided that pool therapy was going to be wonderful for me...so I got to start using the warm water therapy pool.  LOVED this!  and holy cow...I can't do a lot of things.  Just walking forward was tough and I had difficulty keeping my balance.  However, it gave me something to work on.  I'd be at PT twice a week, Pelvic Floor PT once a week and I'd use the pool 3-5 times a week.  Can you see how much work I put in?  It gave me something to work towards.  I could work hard and wear myself out without hurting my healing body.  I learned to say screw it to my hairy legs (that I couldn't reach to shave) and get in the pool in a swimsuit often.     

PT really got used to me coming in every session with a list of questions a mile long.  Every little thing caused a question....I googled a lot...and didn't get answers I liked.  And had a hard time finding information about my particular situation...I'm figuring out this isn't that common.  Sure people blow their backs out, sure people get nerve damage, but...in less than 24 hours I went from full function and feeling to just about none.  I went from being normal to being injured, broken.  Everything was playing catchup.  I tried to find answers to my questions and all you can find is horror stories... of continued pain, of feeling not coming back, of frustration, life-ruining complications.  So instead my PT answered many of them....and the sad part is a lot of answers are unknown still....nerves are not an easy thing to heal...and if you are impatient... it's less fun.  And I'm not one to process things with other people around....and guess what....I'm still at home.  And still not being left alone much, so processing has been on the slow side.

And I'm still at home at my parents.  And I'm still not left alone very often.  And I'm still going crazy without my normal independence.  And I'm still not back to work.  And the plan to stay at my parents seems indefintely long.  How many more weeks until I'm released back to work?  How many more weeks til I comfortable doing what I want to when I want to without feeling like I have to alert someone to every step of my plans?