Things I Miss

I realize on a regular basis that there are little things and big things that I miss being able to do.  It's odd when some of them hit me and it's frustrating when something hit me.  It's just sorting things out into my new 'normal'.  Hopefully, I'll be able to do a lot of these things again or they will just become second nature to not even think about anymore.

1.  Sitting on a couch.  Seems simple...but I sit down and go OWWWW.  Then I have to grab a pillow or two to put behind me.  No more curling up without thinking.  I'm always hopeful that this will change, but I'm starting to think I'll always second guess sitting on a couch or comfy chair.

2. Running.  Now to understand that weirdness of this, I never liked to run.  Except in college when I used it to escape from roommates, stress, work, etc.  That was the only time I actually liked to run.  At night.  Across campus along the river.  Yes, not always the smartest safest thing to do... but it kept me sane...or at least mostly sane.  And there was no way my roommates would even think about running so it was me time.  BUT.  Now that I can't run currently, I miss it.  I want to run and can't.  I really think it's just because I can't.  I was starting to run again and it felt good.  It felt really good to move freely and actually run.  Then my leg/ankle/nerves started acting up more...or I felt them more.  Any way that you look at it, running doesn't work very well.

3.  Doing a complete work out.  Yes, I have accomplished some.  Yes, I have to modify EVERYTHING.  Yes, I'm at the point of being frustrated by it.  Even with modifications, my body couldn't handle doing the number of rounds I thought I could do today.  That's when it's frustrating.  That my body still just doesn't work the way I want it to.

4.  Having an internal temperature control.  Nowadays, I can't get warm or I can't cool off.  Or or or.  Needless to say, it's not much fun when I can't control the temperature of my body.

5.  Getting through a day without having to take a nap or feel like I need a nap.  i know it sounds awful, that I'm whining about taking naps.  But when you feel like you can't make it through a day without a nap, it's frustrating.  And when I do nap, I'll try to sleep for 30 min or 45 min and I shut the alarm off and sleep for 2+ hours.  That's frustrating.  But then I sleep all night too.  

6.  Feeling like I have no control over my own body.  Nerves are a pain.  Literally.  Nerves regenerating are a pain.  And they have a mind of their own.  And I have no clue when they are going to do whatever they want to do.  so these muscles will spasm, these toes will spasm, these muscles will twitch, those muscles will twitch, that ankle will feel like cement blocks hitting each other, and the list just goes on.  

7.  Wearing heels.