a rough day

Change is not much fun.  In the last however long it's been, it seems like that's all that has come my way.  change at work, change at home, change at the gym, change in health, change in nerves, change change change.  Can you tell I really don't like change?

In reality, I don't think it's change that's the problem.  It's that change brings the unknown.  I really really really really don't like the unknown.  I like to over think everything.  I like to think of every possible response to every possible situation.  I also like to think that I know the way something will go.  (Ha Ha...I know it won't happen the way I think it should ;))  

We are at the start of a new school year.  EVERYTHING is changing this year.  new people.  new materials.  new ideas.  new kids.  nothing seems to be consistent.   nothing seems to be known.  i don't do well with this situation.  :(  

add in the unknown with my body and I'm just a royal mess.  I can hold it together for awhile in the group setting but trying to accomplish anything on top of that is just pointless.  Trying to make a decision after holding it together by the skin of my teeth all day long means that dinner is a disaster....cereal?  starbucks?  alcohol?  nope just forget to eat in general....that can happen one day....but 2 or 4 in a row isn't pretty.  

Today was a good day during the day.  Had to sit in training for all day long....but then the evening occurred.  Tried to figure out what is going on for tomorrow's meetings....that i should technically help lead, and I got no where and no understanding of what will happen tomorrow.  So now I feel unprepared, unorganized, and it's still unknown.  No matter how hard I tried to prepare...it just wasn't going to happen.  Add in debating on whether or not to start a new med for my stupid toes so maybe they won't hurt so much so often when I totally don't want a new med and I don't know how my body will react but also know my tolerance level is past the point of dealing.  

All in all, I'm just grouchy, frustrated, and afraid of the unknown.  and I'm surrounded by the unknown.