One Little Word

A friend of mine introduced me to the One Little Word concept last year.  Basically it’s picking a word that speaks to you and seeing how it works in your life for the year.  Last year I picked the word “enough”.  I am enough.  I have enough.  It was recently after surgery and I had to be happy with what I had.  I wasn’t going out and living my normal life.  I wasn’t doing all the things I loved.  I had to remember that I was enough.  What I could do was enough.  I didn’t need to get the newest and biggest and best things.  What I had was enough.  It was also a great help in purging and decluttering all of the stuff I had collected over the years.  I continue to remind myself that I have enough and to remove stuff on a regular basis instead of letting everything pile up and be overwhelming.  It was a great way to focus my life throughout the year and see the impact one little word can have.

This year I picked a new word.  I picked the word ‘accept’.  I am looking forward to seeing how this little word impacts my life this year.  I have to accept the things I cannot change.  I have to accept the things that happen; good, bad and ugly.  I need to accept what I have, what I am, who I am and who I care about.  There are many things in my life that I don’t have control over.  I still don’t get to control everything I want to.  I still struggle to control as much as I can.  I need to accept that I can handle not being in control.  I will accept the things I can do and stop worrying about the things I can’t.  

What word will speak to you this year?

Experience is life.

There are some experiences that I never want to have again.  There are some experiences that I would love to have again.  There are many experiences that fall in the middle.  I could go either way on having a repeat or not.  I particularly don’t want to repeat any times that my heart has been hurt.  I could handle physical pain again.  I could handle going through my back experience again.  I don’t think I could handle going through the hurt that comes when trust is broken.  I don’t think I can handle getting hurt over and over again.

I fear being hurt in many ways.  I fear mental pain and emotional pain.  Physical pain is a symptom of something else going on in my life.  Physical pain has never been the worry or the fear for me.  I supposed that physical pain has been a part of my life by being a rough and tumble active kid growing with brothers to being an athlete and farm girl.  I’m always pulling something, cutting something, or doing something.  Granted….extreme physical pain like the day before back surgery is something I don’t want to repeat but I think that I would prefer that over emotional pain. 

Normally after being hurt…I build the walls.  High, thick, indestructible.  Burn me once and I’m done with you.  Hurt me once and it’s hard to get back in.  I’ve been burned and hurt enough that I avoid letting people into my world.  As soon as I start to do that again…Something happens to hurt me.  Looking at my life right now, there are a lot of people who are ‘in’ my circle.  That I trust.  That I lean on.  That I need.  Many that are there aren’t there because I picked them to be there.  They broke through the walls without me even realizing it.  (530 peeps…. J) 

I’m trying to not put up my walls again.  I’m trying to stay positive and relaxed.  I’m trying to find the good in the situation.  On the other hand…I want to be petty and bash him.  I want to say it’s all guys and they are just awful.  Reality is, we were there for each other when we both needed something.  What we both needed…who knows.  I for one am happy for the experience and while it’s a little rough right now and there are certain things I miss, I am thankful for the experience.  I am thankful for the patience.  I am thankful for the caring.  I am thankful for the friendship.  I am thankful to know that if I needed something I could ask. 

I have to remember that in order to have the experience I have to be open to it.  I have to be willing to get hurt in order to experience the good.  I would miss out on the quiet times, the laying on the couch relaxing.  I would miss out on the friendship and the trust.  I would miss out on being introduced to new things.  Is it worth it?  Yes it is.  And I have to remember that. 

“Always be willing to laugh, think and consider.  Pick your battles and celebrate your victories.  Embrace your losses and know that they will only make you better.  Enjoy each and every moment and never close yourself off to any person, idea, or experience.” 

–Anne Marie Carroll

being told the truth

Ever hear that telling the truth hurts?  How about hearing the truth?  Let me tell you, it hurts too.  One thing I always ask of people is to tell me the truth…the simple things such as that outfit looks awful on you all the way to the big things, you are making a huge mistake in doing that etc.  I don’t always want to hear the truth and I don’t always listen to the truth but I’m always hoping and expecting people to tell me the truth.

Hearing the truth hurts.  Being told the truth isn’t any of fun.  But in the big picture, it’s a hell of a lot better than being lied to.  It’s a hell of a lot better than a lot of things.

I’m glad that I’ve noticed how much I’ve grown as a person in hearing the truth today.  I’m surprised by how much it hurts but my first reaction wasn’t to get angry.  It wasn’t to badmouth the whole thing.  It was to turn to ice cream or alcohol or chocolate.  Luckily I realized that and found a better alternative.  (I ran to work out J)  I found a self-medication that is good for me long run…As long as I don’t over do it!  And of course I hit the coffee shop for writing and coffee!

I’m surprisingly not angry about the truth I heard today.  I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised.  It wasn’t what I was expecting but I am a better person for hearing it today.  I’m a better person for listening and being open to actually hearing the truth instead of trying to make things all better.   I’m a better person for accepting the truth as it was told to me.  Accepting the choices that others make while respecting the honesty in telling the truth.

Life isn’t a bunch of roses.  Life doesn’t always smell or look pretty.  What matters are the people you surround yourself with, the people you lean on, the people you trust.  They will be there for the good and the bad.  They will be there to tell you the truth…even when it hurts.