sharing of myself

I'm normally a pretty private person.  or so I used to be.  I'm totally a person that 'talks' through things with different people.  Many people are there for me in many different ways.  I rely on lots of perspectives and advice from those around me.  I process things in one of two ways.  I talk it out.  My feelings, my thoughts, my understandings.  or I totally internalize it.  Not a word slips out.  No sharing no openess no outside opinion.

As I've gone through this last year of surgery, recovery, healing, etc I've begun to open myself more and more.  I've begun to share more of myself without that ridiculous fear of regret or reproach.  As it was recently my birthday, I wanted to look forward to this year and make it a year of opportunity.  A year of experience.  A year of growing.  In reality, my birthday doesn't seem near as important in life as my one year anniversary of surgery is.  Surgery anniversary is when I really looked at life differently.  I had the fear of major life change that I had no control over.  That I might not be 'normal' ever again.  That would I have to change my life majorly and without control.  Luckily, I am very fortunate.  I'd be considered a success story for most of the medical community.  I'm not happy with that though.  I want to be a success story to myself.  I want to be back to 'normal'.  I want my life back and do what I want to do when I want to do it.  I don't want the nagging fear that I'm going to do something to hurt myself.  That fear is starting to fade but it's still in the back of my mind.  What happens when I move wrong?  How can I hurt myself again?  Can I make my challenges worse?

I want to share my thinking.  I want to share my fears.  I want to share my life.  
Thank you to those who listen now.  Thank you to those who accept me now.  Thank you to those who are there now.  Thank you to those who pick me up when I am down.  Thank you to those who are not afraid of my tears.  my fears.  my stresses.