confident? who me?!?

Throughout this whole series of events...injury, surgery, recovery, teaching, healing, trauma and drama at school, whole life challenge, etc I've learned something about myself.  Actually I'm sure that I've learned lots of things about myself but one thing is sticking out like a sore thumb and is somewhat of a surprise to me.  Maybe it's not a surprise to others but it is a difference in how I've been viewing myself. 

Confidence in myself is not a strong suit for me.  Never has been.  I've always doubted what I'm wearing, what I'm saying, what people are thinking about me, what my reaction to things are. etc.  Put me in front of a bunch of kids and I know what I'm doing and how to do it.  Put me in a group of adults and I have no clue about what I'm doing or how to do it.  I've been good at acting confident and acting like I know what's going on.  I've done that my whole life.  In reality, I'm always wondering what on earth I am doing, Why am I worrying about everything and why does it matter what other people think?

Not only am I noticing more confidence in myself, I'm noticing that I'm not as worried about what everyone else thinks about me.  I'm not overly concerned about what people will think of what I'm wearing, what I'm doing, or what I'm saying.  I am busy just being me.  10 months ago, put me at the gym and I'm in semi-fitted capris, lose t-shirts, etc.  Nothing real fitted.  Just maybe I'll try a fitted pair of capris to work out in, no way would you catch me in shorts, no way a fitted shirt.  Now, I don't worry about what I look like at the gym, either gym.  I wear what is clean and comfortable.  Some days it's fitted capri's and tanks.  Other days is long pants and long sleeves.  It doesn't matter what others think, it's what I want to wear.  

While I still deal with some anxiety about what what others are thinking about me, I try to not worry about it.  The worst is when it's a) a group of people where I'll know no one or b) a group of people that I know in one situation but am not sure how another situation will be.  There are few people who merge across of groups in my world for good reason :)  I like to keep things separate so I know how to act and what is expected of me.  Teachers will expect me to be one way, workout friends will expect another etc.  In reality, they are probably close to being the same but in my world, I like to keep my groups separate!